Time for understanding and emotion
by True ShapeShifter
Summary: Set for Iron Man 2, the day after Tony and Pepper kiss on the rooftop, when Rhodey interrupts. It has been an eventful few weeks, and an even more eventful few days. Now they have time to discuss and understand, to let down their guard and allow for emotion.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! Second fan fiction, and a different type to the fist one! Some Iron Man 2 references, as it is based on IM2, when Pepper finds out about when Tony was dying and finally gets time to understand and listen to what he has to say (set between when Pepper and Tony kiss on the roof to when he is called up by shield) hopefully you know what I mean… hope its' ok!... Any advice or thoughts? Comments? Too OOC? Too long? **

…..

Tony had just saved the world (a second time counting Obadiah) and was, though he wouldn't exactly admit it (though it was obvious) absolutely exhausted. And he was surprised at exactly how well he slept, for a few hours at least. It must've been the flooding emotion between he and Pepper which comforted him, the fact that the battle was over, but it didn't last - halfway through a somewhat peaceful night, he had another nightmare - though it had been a while, he wasn't exactly surprised - he awoke with a start, and immediately started over thinking more than ever - what had happened, what Rhodey had done, what Pepper had done, how she had felt about him, what his father had said and done, what Hammer had done, and Natalie? Natasha? And the drones… and who was Ivan Vanko and his father? He had a rough idea, but really? Did Fury know more about his father than Tony himself did? What was this? He had to try to focus on part of it - Jarvis… ok,

'Jarvis?'

'Yes sir?' JARVIS replied, in a quieter tone than usual

'Is everything ok J?' Tony said, picking up on the AI's pitch.

Quickly processing what had made Tony say this, displaying a checklist of the house's security (all of which, despite damage from the former events which had been re scanned, was all clear) in case it was that, but the system also picked up on the way it had spoken last:

'The house is secure sir and all, despite damage from earlier events, is well. Miss Potts is asleep in the guest room adjacent to yours sir. I am attempting not to wake her.'

'Ok, thanks' Tony said, realising and too, lowering his tone slightly, though the house was somewhat soundproof - he was sometimes amazed at how seemingly caring the AI could be.

'Jarvis, I have a bit on my mind…' This was not something he usually would do, but he needed to clear his head and write down his feelings, to help make sense of them- he was so tired and needed to enable himself a peaceful sleep.

'That is understandable sir'

'huh, yeah, can you just… mhf don't worry'

Sighing, he realised he didn't want JARVIS to log his feelings either. He would fidget through the night and see if he could tell Pepper tomorrow - he guessed so - I mean, she was desperate to know what he had been hiding from her, despite her composure whilst battling the press in order to get into the Tower, so, as hard as it would be, he was sure tomorrow things would be discussed.

The night seemed long, but Tony was sure he managed enough sleep to be somewhat fully alert tomorrow - he had stuff to sort out… he was glad Pepper had had a good nights sleep - he was surprised, but guessed that, like himself, it was down to pure exhaustion. That day, Tony hauled himself out of bed and, quickly preparing for the day ahead, walked down the marble cut stairs of the tower and laid his eyes on Pepper making coffee in the kitchen. She looked tired, but had so much to get on with that she obviously over looked this factor. She was still in her dressing gown (this was not normal of Miss Potts by any means, but as it had been such an unusual few days, she guessed Tony wouldn't mind) and, on noticing Tony she smiled slightly and handed him a cup.

"Morning - I've sorted some of the press, but I'm afraid they want to hear your account, not my excuses as to your confidentiality"

"hmphf, morning" Tony replied, evidently wondering how on earth he would start… this made no help for his confidence for the confrontation with pepper - but she had to know everything first - he wasn't about to tell his account to the rest of the world - he needed to explain himself, have time to think it all through.

With a smile to match the strength of her own, he padded over to the couch and held his head in his hands. _Geez - where to start then! All of the destruction, city, suits and the remains and the technology and Pepper, Rhodes, reactor, Fury, Howard Stark… _Thankfully, as he asked dummy to fetch his laptop and read through his emails (an email only used by government and services, not press etc) he read one which settled the issue of the city - of course Tony would help pay for the damage, but it was in hand. Secondly Ivan Vanko… not exactly a nice discovery, but, nonetheless, he was not a problem. The suits - there were a few things proposed with that one, but at least something could be done there…

Pepper seemed to be alert and awake only because of the phone calls she was met with every second of every hour, unless it was an hour long phone call, in which case multiple texts would pile up on her screen - all missed calls. Tony was in complete awe as to how she does so much, and especially now. He felt bad, but knew with so much having gone on, it would probably be best for Pepper herself to concentrate on the business side of things, meaning fear, emotion, shock, sadness and exhaustion could all be put aside. Also, he knew it would help her feel grounded, knowing that it was over, and this was just the aftermath - a few phone calls, and a bit of normality, and also, the fact that she was on top of it, Tony thought would really make her feel comfortable with the situation. He only hoped he was right.

He himself however felt everywhere… he went to his lab, attempting to fix his suit, but really didn't want to start on it - it reminded him of how Rhodes had stolen one of his suits and betrayed him like that… yet he still trusted him… He sat down in his stylish chair, leaning to the side and resting his elbow on the high arm rest, chin in hand, and demanded JARVIS to play some ACDC and Nickleback 'How you remind me' (seeming slightly relevant) because he felt a bit conflicted by thoughts…

**Tonys' P.O.V**

So much has happened… and yet still I reflect on myself at every angle - first angle, these thoughts are only half formed, why bother to put them into words that make sense in a sentence when I don't want to admit the obvious! Such plain things, ok, so that's the background of my thoughts, all the rest is now worries etc. The only things I will put into at least two thirds worth of sentences are the things I want to consciously go over, and tell Pepper. So… maybe later tonight - she can relax and we can have a chat about things… am I being too… casual? Should I bring up what happened? Hmphf. I know she understands me and the REAL me so much more than others, but I don't know to what extent… I don't want to appear weak or vulnerable or broken or to be moaning, but well… she knows me so much more than anyone, and I don't blame her, I blame my mask which is oh-too-good, but still, she didn't notice I was… was dying? Slowly fading away before her? 'High tech crossword puzzle', making her CEO… did she think I hadn't changed since Afghanistan? Was still out of control and un-caring? Did I just become annoying? A burden? Was I so bad as CEO that as soon as she got the job she decided to pick up where I failed and engross herself so much in her work that she could forget me and my disappointing ways? Should she have noticed, was I worth the comfort? Why… I guess, as much as I wanted to mask it, as I always would do in any situation, as much as I wanted to act myself, I also wanted her to notice… but I tried to tell her, but I didn't let her see, I didn't try hard enough… though it didn't mean I didn't want her to see… conflicting and unfair I know, but - can she really see past that darn mask? It just would've been nice for her to see, so I didn't have to reveal myself as weak, for comfort, for understanding,… but she would care… I would know that. The woman I hold most high in my life would notice something was wrong… would not fall for 'I don't want to go home… I don't want to go home at all' but I piled too much on her… too much stress… she wanted to quit on me… It seemed then was a good time for my 'mask' and playboy and still-content-and-not-quite-as-conflicted part of my sub and conscious consciousness to remind me 'yep well then you got a kiss so not so bad'

…

**What d'you think?... **


	2. Chapter 2

**Enjoy! Please give me your thoughts and opinions!**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NO PART OF MARVEL etc. I mean no copyright infringement or offence to anyone!**

…

…

Realising he had seriously zoned out as he brought himself back out of his own brain with a slight smile, managing to lighten his mood, he tucked his feelings away. He became aware that he also had forgotten about his music, and it faded to nothingness, so, his ears coming back to present day, he searched for music. It wasn't playing. At the tapping of a foot in a high heel shoe he turned quickly, slightly taken aback at the sharp sound and presence of another person in his lab. Quickly composing himself and losing the surprised look in his eyes, he gave an inquiring glance.

Peppers face softening at the jerked movements, realising just how deep in thought he can get, (considering it was two minutes since he realised not only had his thoughts consumed any type of sound, but also that she had turned the ACDC down), and at how tense he was. She rolled her eyes and pouted slightly, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

'Nothing' She said, raising her hands slightly (knowing that he was expectant of paper work to sign or something) ''I was wondering if you'd like something to _eat_?'

Realising he hadn't eaten since he'd gotten up, he decided on making himself some form of smoothie - he really wasn't hungry.

'Mh yeah… yes - thanks' he added, somewhat stuck in his thoughts still; slipping out of the door, smiling as he passed her. Turning on her heel, following him out and reaching the kitchen, an eyebrow raised, she crossed her arms and pouted once again, noticing the genius' choice of 'food'.

Sighing slightly affectionately, she uncrossed her arms and quickly drew a plate from the cupboard and a croissant from under the 'bread' box. Putting it roughly on the plate along with a butter knife she got the margarine from the cupboard and placed it expectantly on the island of the kitchen. Putting her head on one side, shrugging in a 'ha yes you will eat today' kind of way, she pushed the plate into his free hand. He pouted and rolled his eyes - god she loved that cute communication - and finally took the plate, setting his drink down to prepare the snack for eating. Such a plain yet unexpected thing - yet just light enough to rest easily with his thoughts and mood and filling enough to do for a bit. Geez he loves that woman. Smiling that playboy smile he looked up from his food and went over to Pepper to give her a peck on the cheek. Though such a small gesture as a croissant, it meant so much, as it showed she really did care, and did know him enough as to get him to eat when he really would have gone without. Extracting her phone from her pocket, Pepper quickly scoffed an 'oh so pleased you can apply butter to a croissant' look and snigger and, acknowleging Tony's thanks she strode off to take a call, the echoes of her clipping heels ringing through the hallway. Moving to take his purchase, he quickly stopped, made sure Pepper was out of sight and checked the fridge for some ingredients - ham, cheese, pepper and eggs. _Well, nice dinner for tomorrow _he thought, then padded back to his lab. Pausing halfway through a gulp of banana smoothie, he had a sudden thought - JARVIS may not have been able to run a full check on his new reactor…

'Hey, J, d'you have any further information on this thing?' he said, tapping his chest.

'Though somewhat inadequate, the previous diagnostics came to no hazardous outcome for either yourself, others or the Iron Man suits. It should work in a similar way to its former part, but not affect your wellbeing in any negative way, and produce better output and generate less heat or discomfort. May I suggest however sir, that the current of joules to the electromagnet is checked to be assured that it does not pull the shrapnel towards itself too far?' Wincing slightly as the shrapnel was mentioned so abruptly, Tony tapped in some data manually, to which JARVIS informed:

'The electromagnetic force seems stable sir.'

'All good then'

…..

It was later that day that Pepper finally seemed to have some peace - Tony re-routed some of the emails earlier to his computer and had JARVIS filter them, and so they became of a more manageable size and JARVIS gave note of any slightly more concerning ones. None so far, so Pepper took a slightly longer break than the other times and let out a sigh.

As JARVIS informed Tony of a quiet moment, he moved to the lounge, sitting next to Pepper

'You ok?'

'Yes, thanks… its mainly the press, I think the government shall be wanting to de-brief and deal with this mess soon enough though - they are probably extremely busy with the carnage at the minute, but hey - an evening of boredom follows now I think…' plucking a stray cotton threat from her blouse she added 'And Coulson will be in touch'.

With a slight chuckle, Tony rolled his shoulders and slouched back into the sofa. Passing a glance at Pepper she noticed a sad smile - it was to be expected - more a tired one maybe, but now she had a second she wanted answers…

Finally, they had time. Time without a ticking bomb laying in a drone suit which had recently been made motionless by a desperate Iron Man. Time which is not determined by the figure of 53% or 98%. A time for talk. For understanding and listening.

Tony knew it was coming - he wanted it almost, to have that understanding, for Pepper to know, be able to understand fully the events, the reasons, and hopefully give the reassurance he needed about Rhodes and his father… he should explain his behaviour, how he was dying…

'Tony…' Pepper started, looking anxious and sighing sadly

'Why… you…'

'didn't tell you I was dying?' Tony said, solemnly but shortly;

With a breath and a sad nod, she looked into his eyes, seeing a flicker of pain and slight… annoyance? Upset?

'I- I should have noticed' She resolved, getting a hunch as to why he was slightly saddened.

'No. You had so much on your plate, too much, I'm sor-'

'I should have know you were doing everything for a reason, you gave me the company, let Rhodey take the suit...'

'Well I didn't _let_ him'

'Tony, you re-encrypted the suits to allow access to Rhodey as well, I've known JARVIS long enough to guess how that works and Natasha informed me of the counter attack to that one'

Swallowing thickly, Tony was half happy at how quickly she'd pieced everything together, and at how little weakness he was having to give away. At the same time, he wondered how Pepper would deal with it… things seemed ok, but would she see his point of view? To the exact angle on a protractor? Understand… Surely she would?

'Look, you know I don't see you as weak'

He flinched slightly at that, and looked down to the floor, she had gotten straight at one of his largely sensitive topics, so simply and so soon. Pepper reached for his hand, and he looked up again, that nervous annoyance at his weakness evident.

'Look, I know you are strong, you are IronMan, but its ok to let go, to talk, to help me understand. I am sorry, but please - I need to know, and don't worry, just go on, say what you need, how you feel…'

….

**Too OOC? OTT? Please give me your thoughts! :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR YOUR FOLLOWS AND SUPPORT! Hope everyone is ok, and hope you like this chapter… It may be a bit OOC… What do you think though? **

As Tony took a deep breath, Pepper reached for his hand. Taking hers in his, looking defeated and slightly shrugging, he said "I'm sorry about the strawberries" Bringing a slight smile to Peppers face, and his own, she gently tapped his hand in 'you really think that has been worrying me' sort of way, making a soft tutting noise; Shaking her head slightly, and looking sadly at him when she realised just how she had treated the dying man.

Blinking, trying to stop emotion flooding, she said softly, yet trying and failing a little to be matter-of-fact and composed 'Tony what happened? Why did you do all that? I have a theory but… I try to understand but its just so… unreal. Why? What..?' She trailed off.

Pulling her closer, her head leaning on his shoulder he replied, hurt at Pepper's sorrow, in a saddened voice 'I tried to.. to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry I tried to-' Silenced as she nodded her head, biting her lips together 'I know. I'm so sorry.' Breathing in unison for a few minutes, she pulled away, looking into his own eyes, through which he was hardly being able to suppress his misery. 'Palladium. The Arc reactor has a connective and amplifying core made from Palladium. The thing that was keeping me alive was also killing me.' At Peppers understanding and pale face he carried on: 'I… I began to feel nauseas ever so slightly. I checked my Arc reactor as usual, and found 'High tech crossword puzzle' as Fury put it.'

'He knew!?' Pepper piped in, a hurt look in her eyes, feeling even more guilty about not spotting it.

"Yep. And so did Nata'lie'" Her guilt made worse, she subconsciously swept her hair back and her hand across her chest, a psychological sign she was truly guilty.

"So, she decided to attack me with some syringe. It worked, but could only hold it off and help the pain, not cure me-'

'You've been in pain?!' Sighing at the amount he was giving away, but finding his resilience was unresponsive, he felt vulnerable, but was so far in he may as well finish. "Well, the palladium was slowly poisoning my blood… so, yeah, and it made me feel weaker, sick, sometimes sending waves of pain around" (hell, may as well tell her everything..) "and as soon as, near the beginning symptoms, I discovered it I quickly looked for a replacement element. None. Not possible. Jarvis scanned it, and advised I checked my blood toxicity. By the time I had adapted a new reactor to have changeable palladium pieces, it was at 27%. And those weird dark green looking drinks helped slow it and reduce pain… but still. So, I felt defeated. The continued use of the suits excelled the effects, and so, the palladium pieces were corroding and entering my blood stream. Occasionally sending shocks.'

'But why didn't you tell me!?' Pepper sobbed, turning her head away and blinking deeply a few times throughout Tony's speech, not baring to think about the pain and thoughts and helplessness. She had tears streaming slowly down her cheeks now. Tony too behaved similarly, hastily trying to hide his feelings but finding he couldn't.

'So…, I, I-… I pushed everyone away.'

This time Pepper pulled Tony into her embrace, his sobs muffled on her shoulder. Taking some deep breaths, holding tight as they shuddered. 'So, I gave Rhodes the suits, you the company, and let myself fa-, fade into the background…' He said shakily, swallowing thickly as though his wind pipe was tighter than ever. 'I didn't want anyone to miss me. I'm not worth it. You deserve better. I made your life hell and you deserve someone better, someone to protect you…'

'Tony. Y-o-u a-r-e MY Iron Man. You are all I have. I need you - you know? I like this life. I WANT this life.'

'And then, Fury found some files and I watched them and my dad was there and he gave me the answer - vibranium. I cut up half the lab-' (he said quickly) 'and successfully made a new arc reactor. It works at least. I'm sorry about my behaviour - I just saw no future and lived while I could… I was trying to stay normal, but make sure everyone thought I was a jerk. I didn't want to hurt you, or stress you more, or anything.

Shaking her head again slowly, as Tony drew away and looked in the opposite direction, it was a few moments before they spoke again. Pepper could tell Tony hadn't finished, that there was a little more, but at least she understood why Tony did what he did. She mentally slapped herself. _How could I have been so oblivious to his pain… I know him so well, I saw the look in his eyes. His outrageous behaviour - I should have understood. Why I believed he hadn't changed one bit form post Afghanistan I don't know. And I threw him out of my office… he was trying to tell me and I just didn't understand or… oh! He was so helpless, he said he needed me, tried to take me to Venice for his last ever birthday and I just let him succeed in pushing me away… yet he still wanted me there… he was so conflicted, his mask and his regrets wanted to distance himself, to fade, but his love and pain… he so wanted me to notice but couldn't deal with the vulnerability… and his father? And Rhodey? And how exactly did he push me away?... I fell for it, didn't see deep enough into his eyes to notice the pain, vulnerability and depressed feelings. I just don't know… he was looking scruffier daily. He pushed Rhodes away and gave the military what they wanted, he gave me the company and did what he wanted. He made me an omelette and he… I don't know. He is so complex I just don't know. I try though. I shall try. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, so I don't exactly know where this is going, I've got a rough idea, but not sure if you'll like it, so I'll write what I think for this and maybe the next chapter, but feel free to give alternative ideas from the last chapter or as a continuation! I'd really appreciate it! AND REVIEWS! PLEASE REVIEW! :D :D (No copyright infringement or anything intended, don't want to offend anyone either.) **

The next time they spoke didn't seem to be many words, until Tony was ready again. It was a few glances as Pepper understood and tried to compose herself. She ran through it in her head, then nodded to herself and Tony to show understanding, tried to straighten up then reminded herself again, and thought about extra things, such as how she hadn't listened, how she had trusted Nata'_lie_', yet at the same time shouted at the one person who had a somewhat effective delaying serum for Tony's poisoning… and how she had reacted with him in the office, how she read those eyes and fell for it, how she didn't even notice his roughening appearance. She quickly dabbed away tears a second time, breathed deeply and wrapped an arm round Tony's shoulders. He was obviously deep in thought because it was a few seconds before he leant into the embrace.

Running a hand through his now unkempt hair, he sighed. He didn't want to release everything at once, but couldn't keep it bottled up. He decided to tell an outline of his father, as he'd never gone into that much depth about it. 'I never really was that… close… to my father. He - he was more erm.. interested in Captain America - the guy found in the ice… I would try but my efforts wouldn't be anywhere near the potential of the.. experiment. Otherwise he would come back in some kind of drunken stupor or, most commonly (other than Steve), just didn't have time for me… I like to think that he took some interest, and I don't know how its even possible, but I think I must have psychologically idealised him to comfort myself sometimes, lying awake at night… but… I always would think about him but make myself too saddened to think deeply… and then, turns out he gave me the answer to a new element - the one that saved my life'

Pepper was still close to him as he explained this, and was still emotional, seeing a sudden, further depth to Tony that she'd never seen before. She thought she'd known allot, but not his childhood… she knew that he was bullied at school, and picked up and somewhat protected by Rhodey, but problems with his father? She knew his parents had died at a fairly young age, and that would have had effect on him, but Steve Rogers being more important to Howard Stark than his own son? A living, legendary legacy? With a small glance to Tony he continued 'Well… these files were kept from me… but he actually care- cared-' Rubbing his back gently, she understood, that he wanted her to understand this block in his life. And she did. That fantastic connection intensified. 'And Fury knew more about him than I did… and Natasha was spying on me and MY FATHER _worked _with Ivan Vanko's father, and he betrayed him. And so did Obadiah. And yet again I was betrayed, though thankfully not lethally, by Natasha… but still, she got here… she intruded as though these walls were made of tissue paper…' Pepper knew, and he knew she knew, that he was referring to his 'mask'. At How easily people have gotten to him and near-destroyed him, and how Natasha had managed even more easily… He felt even more exposed. Lacked even more trust. 'Tony. You are stronger ok? Your resilience is strong. It can be now - it's over ok, it's over. You are here, and you can build it up again. You can build it up. And I'm here with you.'

**Any thoughts? I'm really not sure about this lol. SORRY IT IS SOOOOOOO SHORT! Please review!**

**And thank you SOOOOOOOOOOO much for all of your support and constructive criticism! :D**


End file.
